On Self-Forgiveness

Sometimes when we have done something we're not very proud of, we carry it around like a heavy weight, at times consciously, and at times less so. For me personally, that unkind word or action stay stick with me for days, weeks, even years. It leaves me feeling terrible about myself.

Any kind of misdeed has the potential load you down because that action does not necessarily align with the image you hold of yourself. Let me explain: You may view yourself as a kind, honest, trustworthy (or any other number of virtuous qualities) kind of person. And that's right that you should view yourself that way because that's your true nature, free of ego. But when your action doesn't align with that self-image, the result is guilt. pain. suffering. regret. The only way to rid yourself of these kinds of negative feelings, I believe, is through forgiveness. To unshackle ourselves from those negative weights, must start by forgiving ourselves. This is something I learned about 8-9 years ago at a training called Insight, and it really rings true to me.

The great Sufi poet, Hafiz, once wrote:

"Forgiveness is part of the treasure you need
To craft your falcon wings
And return

To your true realm of
Divine freedom."

Forgiveness sets us free because it allows us to return to our true nature, allows us to let go of all the negative drama we've been carrying around by feeling bad about that thing we did way back when.

My friend Lukas once told me that from the Baha'i perspective, forgiveness is always available to us. As soon as we are ready to ask for forgiveness, God immediately forgives us of our sins. This really struck me. It's really us humans who keep ourselves from that gift of forgiveness. When we're ready for it, it's there, but so often we instead choose to continue to judge ourselves.

The following quote from the Baha'i writings beautifully paints the picture:
"...haply ye may ask forgiveness of Him, may return unto Him, may truly repent, may realize your misdeeds, may shake off your slumber, may be roused from your heedlessness, may atone for the things that have escaped you, and be of them that do good." -Bahá'u'lláh (The Summons of the Lord of Hosts).
In a letter directed to Napoleon III, Bahá'u'lláh wrote: "Verily, the breezes of forgiveness have been wafted from the direction of your Lord, the God of Mercy; whoso turneth thereunto shall be cleansed of his sins, and of all pain and sickness. Happy the man that hath turned towards them, and woe betide him that hath turned aside."

In the Old Testament, (Pslam 130, A song of ascents), it is written:

¹ Out of the depths I cry to you, LORD;

² Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

³ If you, LORD, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
⁴ But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

I'm not sure if the "you" here is supposed to be God or each one of us. Yet, that ambiguity seems so appropriate to me. I don't pretend to understand the mysteries of God, what God is or represents. We can and probably should ask God for forgiveness. Yet, somehow I find it to be a little more tangible to focus within--that is, to focus on forgiving myself. And, when I do this, I believe that for me it is essentially the same as turning to God. This is actually something I've been forgetting to do for quite some time now. I think I've been asking God, but perhaps not always with my full heart in the asking. I haven't necessarily been taking the time to turn inward and reflect on healing that part of myself that I have judged and hurt. I have forgotten to shine the light of a kinder, higher self, which frees me to be a little bit happier. What I love about the Psalms passage is its notion that with forgiveness, we can serve God. I might extrapolate that to say that with forgiveness, our energy is freed up to focus on service to God/humanity.

I invite you now to take a moment to reflect on your past -- both recent or less so. Ask yourself if there are past incidents, past actions, past words spoken, that you're still regretting. Have they been weighing you down? Take a moment, or many moments, however many may be required, to offer yourself forgiveness. And then let go. You may need to work on this for awhile -- it may not come naturally or quickly at first. Perhaps it may feel a little easier if you also reflect upon how that incident helped you grow as a person and thank yourself for that lesson, and how that thing you regret is not necessarily something you would do again today (and that's because you're now a better person for it). For the sake of that newer self, wouldn't it be okay to let go of that part of the past?

As author Carolyn Myss once said, "The act of forgiveness is the act of returning to present time." I suspect this is because without forgiveness, a part of oneself is always trapped in the past with that past action. Welcome back to the present moment.