Be Empathetic

This week I've been attending one of the New Teacher Center's core trainings, the Induction Institute, where I was introduced to a definition of empathy that I found rather insightful. Tis as follows:

"The way of being with another person which is termed empathetic... means temporarily living in their life, moving about it delicately, without making judgments... To be with another in this way means that for the time being you lay aside the views and values you hold for yourself in order to enter the other's world without prejudice... a complex, demanding, strong yet subtle and gentle way of being." -Carl Rogers

From this quote I understand that refraining from making judgments seems to be at the core of being truly empathetic. It certainly makes for more effective mentoring, and more effective relationships more generally. Go on, try it on, be empathetic. ;)

A Prerequisite to Inner Peace?

Become unlimited in your trust of God. It is in
this state of awareness that you are never given
anything you cannot handle.

- John Morton
Spiritual Director
Institute for Individual and World Peace®

Dear reader, tell me, do you feel this may be a prerequisite of inner peace? or perhaps just one of many causes of inner peace?

"He who sees in me all things, and all things in me, is never far from me, and I am never far from him." -The Bhagavad Gita

On Educating Children

In preparing for a talk I'll be giving on the topic of education this weekend in Oakland, I came across this quote by Abdu'l-Bahá, which is an extract from one of his talks. I love its emphasis on the importance of learning beyond book-learning.

"Among these children many blessed souls will arise, if they be trained according to the Bahá’í Teachings. If a plant is carefully nurtured by a gardener, it will become good, and produce better fruit. These children must be given a good training from their earliest childhood. They must be given a systematic training which will further their development from day to day, in order that they may receive greater insight, so that their spiritual receptivity be broadened. Beginning in childhood they must receive instruction. They cannot be taught through books. Many elementary sciences must be made clear to them in the nursery; they must learn them in play, in amusement. Most ideas must be taught them through speech, not by book learning. One child must question the other concerning these things, and the other child must give the answer. In this way, they will make great progress. For example, mathematical problems must also be taught in the form of questions and answers. One of the children asks a question and the other must give the answer. Later on, the children will of their own accord speak with each other concerning these same subjects. The children who are at the head of the class must receive premiums. They must be encouraged and when any one of them shows good advancement, for the further development they must be praised and encouraged therein. Even so in Godlike affairs. Oral questions must be asked and the answers must be given orally. They must discuss with each other in this manner."
-Abdu'l-Bahá, “The Bahá’í World”, Vol. 9 (1940–1944) (Wilmette: Bahá’í Publishing Committee, 1945), p. 543) [145]

Portland

Flying into PDX is one of the most beautiful descents of air travel, in my opinion. One flies past Mt. Hood on the right, looking ever stately with snow capped perfectly pointed top, and then lowers down parallel to the majestic Columbia River, all the while with views of green hills and mountains all around, trees, lots and lots of trees, and the glimmering lights of a city I once called home.

Portland. Ahhhh. How I love you so. How is it possible to be so attached to a place? Will I ever live here again? Who knows. Yet, I felt my spirits soar as I landed in this familiar place tonight, discovered a joy and lightness that I haven't felt in awhile. And that's just from coming into the airport and passing through town in a rental car. When not near Portland I sigh whenever I hear someone speak of this place. And I love my home state of California. If only there were a Portland in the Bay Area... but, I suppose, we can't have it all.

Dear Reader, do you feel this way about any particular place?

Meditation

"Meditation is the key for opening the doors of mysteries. In that state man abstracts himself: in that state man withdraws himself from all outside objects; in that subjective mood he is immersed in the ocean of spiritual life and can unfold the secrets of things-in-themselves. To illustrate this, think of man as endowed with two kinds of sight; when the power of insight is being used the outward power of vision does not see."
-Abdu'l-Bahá, Paris Talks

God's Breath

In planning a yoga class for a weekend session at Bosch this weekend that will focus on The Seven Valleys and other mystical writings of Bahá'u'lláh, I came across the following quote:

O Son of the Wondrous Vision!

I have breathed within thee a breath of My own Spirit, that thou mayest be My lover. Why hast thou forsaken Me and sought a beloved other than Me?

-Bahá'u'lláh, The Hidden Words

Strange Indeed

I'm currently reading Cannery Row, a novel by one of California's greatest writers, John Steinbeck. I'm finding it to be quite philosophical at times, chock full of interesting commentary on society. I was particularly struck by the following dialogue today.

"It has always seemed strange to me," said Doc. "The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest are the traits of success. And while mean admire the quality of the first they love the produce of the second."

"Who wants to be good if he has to be hungry too?" said Richard Frost.

"Oh, it isn't a matter of hunger. It's something quite different. The sale of souls to gain the whole world is completely voluntary and almost unanimous--but not quite."

I must agree with Steinbeck that it is sadly true that we seem to say we value certain kinds of virtues in men and then define "success" in society by opposing traits. I wonder if it's always been this way. Should we change our definition of success, society must needs not always be this way. Though this passage paints a rather pessimistic picture, there's also a ray of optimism at the end.

Sculpi

If I had sculpi tonight, I would create a dolphin. (sculpi, for those of you who don't know, is very vibrantly colored sculpt-able dough that you can bake to harden into the form of your creation)
Interesting how that's the vision I got after clearing my mind in yoga class this evening.

Daily Miracles

"People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize; a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black curious eyes of a child -- our own two eyes. All is a miracle."
- Thich Nath Hahn

Thanks to J for emailing me this quote, which I just read this evening catching up on email. Earlier today in the early evening I was walking along the beach to unwind after several long days of work. I walked along awhile, clearing my thoughts. I was starting to feel cold from the wind and thinking of turning back soon. Then I looked over my shoulder to fix my gaze and attention on the Monterrey Bay and at just exactly that moment I saw a dolphin jump out of the water incredibly close to the shore. My heart leaped up and praised God at the beautiful timing of this moment and my good fortune. This was certainly my miracle today. I had hoped to see a dolphin, but this was the closest and most clearly I've ever seen one from the shore.

Photos of the Taj Mahal

Taj Mahal

For my reflections on the Taj Mahal, see my previous post.

Photos of Delhi

I'm gradually making my way through my hundreds of photos of India. Here are photos from our two days of sight-seeing in Delhi, the city where Nikhil grew up. To read my reflections on Delhi, see my previous post dated 6 Sept. '09.

Delhi

On Asceticism

This quote came to mind this evening as I was chatting with C and thinking about how attachment to ritual can hamper us from living joyfully, and that asceticism should not be confused with spiritual truth.

It must be remembered, however, that the maintenance of such a high standard of moral conduct is not to be associated or confused with any form of asceticism, or of excessive and bigoted puritanism. The standard inculcated by Bahá’u’lláh seeks, under no circumstances, to deny anyone the legitimate right and privilege to derive the fullest advantage and benefit from the manifold joys, beauties, and pleasures with which the world has been so plentifully enriched by an All-Loving Creator. “Should a man,” Bahá’u’lláh Himself reassures us, “wish to adorn himself with the ornaments of the earth, to wear its apparels, or partake of the benefits it can bestow, no harm can befall him, if he alloweth nothing whatever to intervene between him and God, for God hath ordained every good thing, whether created in the heavens or in the earth, for such of His servants as truly believe in Him. Eat ye, O people, of the good things which God hath allowed you, and deprive not yourselves from His wondrous bounties. Render thanks and praise unto Him, and be of them that are truly thankful.”
-Shoghi Effendi

Chennai and Marina Beach Photos

Around Chennai and Marina Beach

Mehendi

Here is another one of Nikhil's albums that documents the mehendi (henna) that Nithya (Nikhil's sister) and I had done on our hands on a Sunday afternoon at the beauty parlor. This is traditionally done in the north prior to a wedding, so you can imagine that as I was traveling around India I got a few comments, mostly from nice ladies at airports wondering if I was just married.

The guy who applied the mehendi did so using a paper cone like you'd use to frost a cake. He was seated, as was I, and bent over my arm and carefully created his own design in "Arabic" style on both my hands and in traditional Indian style on Nithya's. It took at least 30 - 60 min per arm.

Delhi

We recently spent two days in Delhi (and two in Agra). I liked Delhi. It also felt more familiar, more similar to my expectations for India's large cities based on my own experiences in Mexico City and Santiago, Chile.

It was horribly hot and humid while we were in Delhi, having just rained a great deal the day before we arrived. We were surprised to find that it was even more humid than Chennai, which is not generally the case. Delhi feels better organized and planned to me than Chennai (which doesn't feel at all planned in the city planning sense). It also feels more cosmopolitan. Delhi has lots of trees, lots of apartment blocks (there seem to be more than in Chennai and there are planned neighborhoods of huge apartment blocks with all the necessary staples located at close distance). The city has some stately boulevards, particularly around the embassies, India Gate, and the presidential palace and parliament building, that definitely give it the feeling of being a capital city. Shopping malls seem to be creeping up everywhere around and on the outskirts of the city. e.g., on the way to Agra we must have seen at least 5-6 new malls on the same road within a few short kilometers of each other, just outside Delhi.

Delhi has plenty of sites of historical interest. My favorite spots were the Qutub Minar, a tall brick and sandstone tower from the days of Mogul rule, and the "Lotus Temple". This is the local name for the Baha'i House of Worship -- here called the "Lotus Temple" for its architecture that resembles a lotus flower. An interesting fact is that the Baha'i temple gets even more visits a year than the infamous Taj Mahal. Located in a very busy neighborhood of the city, it is situated on a large and peaceful campus. Volunteers help ensure quiet inside the sanctuary itself. Let me tell you after spending two weeks in India -- quiet is a precious commodity here (in fact, this is the only place I found in India so far that is truly quiet). Like each of the Baha'i houses of worship, it is designed with nine sides. There are 9 pools that surround the temple that act as natural air conditioners, and lots of layers of nine radiating down from the lotus petaled roof.

We visited with some old family friends from the days when Nikhil's family lived in Delhi, saw where they used to live (for Nikhil from 6th grade through college), went to Nikhil's school and university, saw India Gate, Rashtrapathi Bhavan (the presidential palace), Connaught Place (a neighborhood with lots of shops and restaurants), Dilli Haat (a fabulous open air handicraft market that makes me think of Mexico City's Ciudadela), met up with our dear friend Neha, dined in Kahn Market...

But, as with each place on this planet, there are positives and negatives. Delhi has terrible traffic, certainly worse than Chennai. I also saw more stray dogs, more cows on the roads (heart breakingly often eating from huge piles of trash), more haze and pollution. Spending more time in touristy areas, we were confronted by more beggars and poverty... In particular, the image of a baby that was lying butt naked on the sidewalk as her father/some other man exploited her for the sake of panhandling in busy Connaught Place has been sharply burned into my memory. Countries like this one surely have good laws to protect children, but lack the infrastructure at present to enforce such laws.

All in all, it felt like a truly whirlwind trip so I didn't really get firmly grounded in this city, but I can easily imagine future visits to Delhi.

Taj Mahal

The Taj Mahal is, as implied by its status as one of the wonders of the world, quite wonderful. No photo can do it justice. The first thing that struck me is that it is quite a bit larger than I would have imagined. It also has an ethereal quality-- standing there looking at it for the first time, I found it hard to accept that that this place was actually real. When you get up close, the detail work of all the embossing and engraving, the calligraphy, is quite amazing.

I was fascinated by the number of optical illusions: e.g., the calligraphy of the Koran around the main entrance, the size of the lettering increases as it goes higher up from the ground so that the size appears from the ground to be the same. Other lines making 90 angles play tricks on the eye as they creep up the side of the building, giving the appearance of a column tapering outward...

The perfect symmetry of the architecture is also incredible, particularly when you think that the Taj was built in the middle of the 17th century with old fashioned hand tools and all the drafts by hand. Everything aligns - the center line of all the buildings, not to mention each of the engravings and reliefs on each side of the door (all are mirror opposites of one another). At the time it was built obviously there was nothing like cranes so they used big piles of mud to move things around. Imagine seeing a big pile of mud for years as it was being built only to have it cleaned away when it was done and to behold this edifice for the first time!

In terms of history, the Taj was built by Shah Jahan, emperor during the Mughul empire's period of greatest prosperity, as a mausoleum for his most beloved of three wives, Mumtaz Mahal, who died in childbirth of their fourteenth child. According to our tour guide, before she died she asked three things of him: 1) that he raise their children with loving affection and not scold them, 2) that he not remarry again (he already had the two other wives), and 3) that he build an unparalleled monument on her grave as a testament to the world of their love. Quite the lasting testament.

The Taj used to be filled with gems embedded in the walls that have been pillaged over the years. Incredible as it is now, I can only imagine how breathtaking it must have been in its full glory.

If you ever get to India, I highly recommend visiting the Taj. There are lots of other historical monuments of interest (I also particularly liked the Agra Fort), though the city itself is not well maintained. Nonetheless, the Taj makes a trip to Agra more than worth your while.

Vocab Lesson

Here are just a few Indian English expressions that have caught my attention during this visit. I'll put the Indian expression first, followed by the American translation.

1. fly over = overpass
2. flying kiss = this is when you blow a kiss
3. speed breakers = speed bumps
4. anticlockwise = counterclockwise
5. bunking school = ditching school/class

Photos of Chennai

Chennai - Album 1

Nikhil's Photos of Our Sari Shopping

While I was mostly engrossed in the act of sari shopping, fortunately Nikhil had his camera at the ready to document the occasion.

Check out his photos: http://shadows.smugmug.com/Family/Sari-shopping/9454563_F4kde#P-1-20

(FYI, he also posted photos of the banana tree felling and will be posting others from our trip, so keep checking http://shadows.smugmug.com/)

Marina Beach

Last night we went to Marina Beach here in Chennai. It has the fame of being the widest beach in all of Asia, if not the world (I can't verify this claim). It is remarkably wide -- 437 meters at the widest stretch (almost half a kilometer). Apparently during the tsunami the waves covered the entire width of the beach and reached to the roads beyond, which is quite impressive to imagine when you're standing on that huge stretch of sand.

This Indian beach is quite unlike anywhere else I've ever been. Not only do you have people walking up and down the beach selling mostly food (this makes me think of Mexico), you also have food stalls set up on the beach. Nikhil's family was talking about how important food is in India, how the first question you'll get when you tell someone you've just been to Marina Beach is whether you ate one of these deep fried chilies they sell there. We did order some, though after one deep fried plantain I realized I didn't really want anything else deep fried. We also had ice cream.

Going to the beach here is much less a serene experience as a fascinating people watching experience. In addition to the food vendors you have people flying and selling kites, mini merry-go-rounds and feris wheels (hand cranked!) for the kiddies, these walls of balloons that you can shoot. We saw some teenage boys who were doing remarkable acrobatics (Nikhil got some great photos). If it weren't so hot in this city, I could easily imagine spending an entire day at the beach. One more thing -- beaches here are pretty dirty. With all these food vendors, many people don't bother to pack their trash. We also actually saw a man flinging bags of trash into the ocean. This made me upset. I was going to go chase after the bags but Nikhil insisted that he do it himself (probably for fear of the reaction it could create if a foreign woman were to do this instead).

Off to Delhi

Tonight we're off to Delhi and Agra to do some proper sight seeing. We'll see the Baha'i Temple ("Lotus Temple"), India Gate, Nikhil's old school and university, many more things in Delhi and, in Agra, of course, the Taj Mahal!

I'm unlikely to have internet access while I'm there, but I'm sure I'll have lots more photos and things to say upon my return. We get back to Chennai on Thur. night (we're taking a plane -- takes about 2 hours to get to Delhi from here).

Map of India, FYI

Photos from our Welcome Party

Here are some photos that Nikhil's dad took on our first day here when we had a big gathering at their home to welcome me to India. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and a few extended relatives--16 people--came to greet us. Nikhil's mom made some tasty treats and everyone received me with a warmth that was far more than I could have hoped for. Enjoy!

Saris and Sari Shopping

Today we went to a huge sari shop at which I was bought another 3 saris.

Let me explain that sari shops can be multiple floors of multiple rooms, all with walls lined with neatly stacked saris in a plethora of colors that's hard to imagine unless you've ever been to one. Saris come in all kinds of materials. This shop we went to today was organized with signs throughout the store above the wall shelves stating 3 things: 1) a cost range for the saris in that section, 2) the material of the saris in that section (e.g., silk, crepe, cotton...) 3) the region of origin of the style of the sari. One goes up to a long table and a sales clerk commences to pull out sari after sari and unfold them before you. He (so far it seems to always be a he) unveils the inside, which often has fancy patterns in contrasting colors, and carefully folds it up and throws it over your shoulder for you to "try on". I'm probably grossly simplifying the explanation.

Today I learned that the anatomy of saris are is more complex than I'd realized (not to mention the complication of how one is to wrap them). There are two main pieces: one large piece of fabric that gets folded into a pleated skirt and then the rest sort of wrapped around you, up and over one shoulder, and then there's a short top that goes under that, which is pretty tight fitting. Sometimes the fabric for the top comes with the main sari fabric. Other times (when the top material isn't included) one must elect a desired color of fabric for the top.
Yet there's all this other fabric one must buy... fabric for the "fall" -- a strip of material that goes on the inside of the bottom part of the skirt of the sari to give it weight so that the pleats fall properly... patterned material if you want to have a border/accents stitched onto the top that a tailor will make for you... fabric for a separate cotton underskirt... fabric to line the top (at least if the top material is made of silk). Rather complicated indeed.

Lights and Light Switches

I've been surprised that most houses here have florescent lighting -- the long tubes. I suppose this is probably the most energy efficient, yet somehow it feels more suited to say an elementary school classroom.

Also, lights here switch the opposite way - down is "on" and up is "off".

Finally, the placement of light switch plates to me feel non-intuitive. Here light switch panels -- at least at Nikhil's parents house -- are placed way up high on a wall. This makes them hard for me to find in the dark. For each room they typically contain multiple switches, usually because there's also an overhead fan or two, and also the switches turn on any power outlets as well. The order of these is often not logical to me. Finally, switch plates are often placed on the wall outside of say the bathroom (though this is common in Latin America and Europe and thus wasn't surprising to me).

Manners Lessons 5 & 6

Lesson 5:
Books should not be placed near one's shoes. Books represent knowledge and should be treated with an air of sanctity.

Lesson 6:
After eating dinner with one's hands, one should NOT wash one's hands in the same sink where one washes dishes. This, from an orthodox perspective, is because the hand is now considered unclean In most Tamil homes there seems to be a separate sink especially designated for the hand washing purpose.
Interesting, in really orthodox homes (like that of one of Nikhil's grandparents) one shouldn't even mix the dirty plates with the serving dishes in the wash basin.

News Perspective

I was impressed yesterday, in reading The New Indian Express newspaper, to see two awareness raising articles, one titled "Hell away from home" with a subheading saying "Shame on Us", which was about child labor in India. The other was called "Sacked down with cruelty", was about the "demonic yet arresting" practice of loading down oxen that were "profusely salivating and frothing". Though sensational, this article was meant to raise awareness about treatment of oxen, especially during the hot summer. In summers oxen should not be used to pull carts between 11am and 4pm. But this rule is seldom enforced." The perspective is one of accepting collective blame, which doesn't seem to be the tone of most American newspapers.

Jasmine

In the summertime here ladies where strings of jasmine flowers in their hair. It's a pretty sight. When worn at the base of the head, I am told by Amma (Nikhil's mom), it produces a cooling effect. This I have yet to confirm, but it sure does smell nice!

Regarding Sari Shops

I received a good question via email yesterday that I thought I'd post here for the benefit of other non-Indians:

Q: Is a "sari shop" a place where you buy material and they sew it together for you... or is it pretty much "good-to-go" at purchase?

A: As far as I can tell, the sari shop is where you buy the long piece of fabric that wraps around your body. This part is ready made. Some saris come with an additional piece of fabric for the top. It seems that sometimes you may have to buy this other piece of fabric separately. Next you take the top material to a different shop (I haven't been to one of these yet) where they take your measurements and make custom stitch a top for you. Apparently tops also come ready made.

These are my conclusions based on my experience at one 5 story sari shop, which apparently bars nothing in size compared to some places... it may be that some sari shops also sell the ready made tops.

Indian ladies, please comment and correct any mistaken conclusions I'm making here.

Table Manners

1. One eats only with the right hand (at least here in the south of India). This much I knew. I am discovering that it is quite difficult for me to break a piece of naan, a roti or chapati with one hand.

2. One must pass dishes to others only with the left hand. This has to do with the first point. With respect to passing, if you err in this regard, people (particularly of an older generation) will consider the dish to now be unclean and will not eat it. Fortunately Appa (Nikhil's dad - the word for dad in Tamil) managed to steer me away from making this mistake yesterday morning when I offered to clear the table at his parents' house. They take their breakfast later and would probably not have eaten it.

3. Similarly to #2, one must dish out food with one's left hand.

Someone was telling me yesterday that when a close family friend moved from Delhi to Chennai, she had to train herself by putting her right hand behind her back.

4. Always take more than one helping. A visitor can never eat enough here and love seems to be expressed through cooking. Prashant gave me good advice before coming in this regard: eat slowly and always have food in your mouth.

Last night Nikhil's grandpa told me that "a way to an Indian man's heart is through his stomach". Never mind that this saying probably applies to many other cultural contexts.

Sensory Overload

Two words so far seem to sum up my experience in India: sensory overload. I had been pre-warned by friends who had been here that this would be the case. I definitely agree with this summation base on my so far limited experience.

Sight: Colors of saris are arresting, like eye candy to me (going into a sari shop makes me as giddy from the sensory perspective as going into a good yarn shop). My eyes are still overwhelmed every time I step onto a street here - the order to the chaos in the streets, the poverty, the trash...

Smell: diesel fumes, body odor, jasmine, strong spices... India seems to have my nose constantly twitching (although one starts to adapt after a couple of days)

Hearing: Chennai and Mumbai both hum at a volume that is much greater than any western country I've been to, but which strikes on the familiar for having lived in Latin America. There's a constant buzz from the streets below that includes dogs barking, people honking (will try to give a more detailed description later), particularly where Nikhil's parents live (being in the heart of Chennai). What strikes me most is the volume at which people speak. They must compete with ceiling fans and air conditioners, which are constantly on. My experience thus far has been that any time you get a number of Indians into a room, their volume escalates. I will write more on this aspect of social interaction later.

Taste: Indian food, as all who have tried it will know, is incredibly spiced. Lots of salt (it would be interesting to study the incidence of heart disease in India in relation to its cuisine), a riot of other flavors. All sweets are far too sweet for my palette. Most vegetables are thoroughly if not overly cooked (probably arising from sanitary concerns initially) from the Californian perspective (which, mind you, thrives on fresh produce). Many dishes are deeply and heavily fried.

Feel I will have to contemplate.

Let the Indian Wedding Shopping Begin!

Monday was the kick off for all the shopping that's to be done in preparation for our upcoming weddings. While Nikhil and I have been consumed in big picture details for months already in the U.S., there are a host of details to be taken care of here in India, most of which involve shopping. Apparently Monday was an auspicious day to buy the gold chain and pendants that will be a significant part of the Hindu wedding ceremony. I was told that this was the first detail to be taken care of. During the wedding ceremony the groom places this necklace around the bride's head (sort of as significant as exchanging rings, except the groom doesn't get a necklace in return). It contains 2 pendants -- one from the bride's family and one from the groom's family, which symbolically represents the coming together of the two families. Isn't that symbolism lovely? Choosing the necklace was no easy matter, particularly not with Nikhil's parents, one set of grandparents, and one aunt all there at the shop to give their input. The vast quantity of chains alone can overwhelm! (cultural aside: Chennai has the fame of being a shopper's paradise -- apparently people here really enjoy shopping, regardless of social stature). It wasn't as simple as picking any chain and pendant you liked (I wanted the absolute smallest possible). No no! I was told that the pendants had to be large enough (at least 4 grams for each pendant) to engrave the symbols of Nikhil's subcaste. Thus, the chain also had to be big and strong enough to withstand the weight of the pendants. The chain also doesn't have a clasp in the back, so you can't use it for other pendants later if you so desired. I felt great relief when this task was done. One of Nikhil's aunts also treated me to some silver anklets, which certainly make walking more fun. :) I was pleasantly surprised to discover later when I opened the box that one gets TWO anklets here, not just one, upon purchase. Nikhil's grandparents were surprised that I was surprised by this. "I suppose they must wear just one earring in the U.S. too" they said.

The next detail was to pick the wedding sari! I had been very much anticipating my first trip to a sari shop. I had no idea what I would be getting into. I was picturing something much smaller -- one room, perhaps, lined with saris. Try multiple floors of saris! The south Indian wedding sari is longer than usual (9 rather than 6 yards). This proved to be a helpful point because there's a smaller subsection of these 9 yard saris, since 6 yards are worn most of the time. Even so, the plethora of bright colors was quite remarkable! I really think that women in India must need be more decisive about buying these clothes, which is hard with so many beautiful colors! With only one standard fit customized to your body, you can't rule out potential options based on how well they fit.

I had been pre-warned by Nikhil that there would be a massive amount of gift buying here. It seems that one virtue I need to learn this month is surrender.

Poverty Levels

Last night at dinner Nikhil's dad revealed to me an interesting comparison of definitions of poverty levels. Apparently the UNDP (United Nations Development Programme) considers the poverty threshold to be $1.25 a day, by which 75% of Indians would be considered to be below the poverty line. The Indian government, in contrast, considers $0.45 to be the threshold, by which only about 30% would be below.

This is a truly fascinating and depressing consideration -- How do we define poverty? How do these different poverty thresholds affect apathy and the extent to which change is sought? What are the indicators? What's considered to be "sufficient" to survive?

By the Indian government standard, people can maybe manage to get some food for $0.45 a day, but are probably sleeping in the streets. I found this way of thinking about poverty appalling.

There are plenty of good books on this subject. For a little more of an overview, read here.

Screens

What is not surprising is that the mosquitoes here seem to find my blood very sweet here.
What is surprising to me is the system of window screens here in Nikhil's parents' home -- these are literally affixed with velcroed around the edges of the windows and thus can be pulled aside when you want to open a window to pop your head out.

First Glances of India

The humidity is one of the first things you notice (how could you not) - my first sense if one of less oxygen and greater difficulty breathing, and at the same time the softness of the hot damp air that feels like a constant hug.
People driving on the left side of the road makes an obvious first impression.
I am also struck by...
People ignoring traffic lights and somehow spontaneously inventing a complex dance to weave around one another without crashing in intersections
Men sleeping in the backs of big trucks (this makes me sad)
Lights and more lights (many strung in the colors of India's flag) dazzling the streets of even Mumbai's slums in honor of Ganesh Chaturthi (noticeable even from the plane)
Loud drumming all through the night to celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi - there are clearly different norms about noise pollution here. These helped keep us awake during our midnight stop over.
Stray dogs, everywhere... but they don't really strike me as ferocious, but rather seem meek and weak (I haven't really walked amongst them yet, so my opinion on this matter may change).
Lots of young men, walking in the street, alone or in small groups. Presumably women stay indoors at this hour.
Very very pungent smells, particularly body odors (which I noticed as soon as we stepped on the Jet Airways flight from Hong Kong to Mumbai). I think my olfactory senses will be frequently arrested in this country.
Cows on the sides of the street! (I can't wait to see elephants!!!)
The surprise of fast and hard monsoon rains, coming down in sheets one minute and clearing the next (apparently we brought good luck both to Mumabi and Chennai). These were perfect because we got to enjoy them from inside and then they ceased by the time we needed to go out into the street again.
The auto rickshaws are another obvious cultural relic. Riding in one provides a whole different perspective of the world with the low ceilings, the open sides and pleasant breeze at 5am, the feel of every vibration of the roads.
Auto rickshaw drivers who drive with no shoes... (this has made a strong impression on me)
Of course, the clothes are different, but I won't get into that now
Signs in the pretty swirls and straight line tops of Hindi and Tamil also attest to being in a new country. I look forward to discovering amusing, poorly constructed English signs as well.

Much of this feels familiar to Latin America...
Walls on the sides of the streets painted with advertisements
Banners of politicians who are trying to appear like your best friend paced at an interval frequency that seems nothing short of excessive
Trash in the streets
The way people weave in their cars in and out of seemingly non-existent lanes
The honking, oh the constant honking
Lost of scooters, especially in Chennai, constantly dashing in and out and cutting you off
The ridiculously loud fire crackers for this festival (though many of them sound more like bombs here!)
The stray dogs
The noise level of the cities - certainly much livelier than American cities
The bright colors of clothing and well bejeweled women - like eye candy (though I believe Latin American women wear more make up)
Simple stuccoed outsides of buildings (often run down) and beauty that is saved for the inside of the home
The smell of diesel fumes on the streets

Chennai is a city of lots of trees - this surprises me. I am also surprised that the air here seems remarkably free of the hazy smog layer I expected to see in most Indian cities.
I am overjoyed to see the flame of the forest trees that I so cherished in southern Mexico (images of the Mayan Palenque ruins in Chiapas come streaming back).

Nikhil's parents' home is very pleasant. I especially love the tropical trees and plants in the yard -- the banana, mango, papaya, coconut... Appa (Nikhil's dad) pointed out a chameleon to me that did indeed adapt its color to the bark of the tree; he has also pointed out lizards and dancing bees - if it weren't so hot out, I could sit on the porch and observe these critters for hours. The sight of them makes time slow down.

Must stop, the maid has come to sweep. More soon. :)

Lesson on Acceptance

Last night I realized that taking the time to get to know someone and connect with them in a heartfelt way in a different context can invite greater acceptance. Opening one's own heart to the possibility of something being different opens the door to acceptance.

How appropriate that I should remember even later that acceptance is our virtue of the month. ;)

On Hope

Tonight friends will be gathering at my home to talk about hope. In preparation for that meeting, I'm sharing a few quotes on the topic here:

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." -Psalms 31:24

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." -Martin Luther

"Sorrow not if, in these days and on this earthly plane, things contrary to your wishes have been ordained and manifested by God, for days of blissful joy, of heavenly delight, are assuredly in store for you. Worlds, holy andn spiritually glorious, will be unveiled to your eyes. You are destined by Him, in this world and hereafter, to partake of their benefits, to share in their joys, and to obtain a portion of thei rsustaining grace. To each and every one of them you will, no doubt, attain." -Bahá'u'lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá'u'lláh

On Courtesy

This morning I was talking to dearest V and she gave me some very good relationship advice, which is to be courteous in all communications with one's partner, even if you're feeling irritable. Doing so can be a big test at times, especially when we let our egos get in the way, but if we are able to do so, we can preserve the respect and trust that should be at the foundation of our relationship. She recited part of this wonderful quote:

"O people of God! I exhort you to courtesy. Courtesy is indeed … the lord of all virtues. Blessed is he who is adorned with the mantle of Uprightness and illumined with the light of Courtesy. He who is endowed with Courtesy (or Reverence) is endowed with a great station. It is hoped that this Wronged One, and all, will attain to it, hold unto it and observe it. This is the Irrefutable Command which hath flowed from the pen of the Greatest Name."
—Bahá'u'lláh, Tablet of the World

Unity - Heaven on Earth

"This will be the paradise which is to come on earth, when all mankind will be gathered together under the tent of unity in the Kingdom of Glory."
-Abdu'l-Bahá, Paris Talks

All Equal in the End

"Behold the mighty kings upon earth, for they have all the power in the world that man can give them, and yet when death calls they must obey, even as the peasants at their gates."
-Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks

Thought for the Day

Stolen from D's signature line:

"A mind that has been stretched will never return to its original dimension!"
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Reflections from the Mat

I feel grateful this evening to have a regular yoga practice.
I feel grateful this evening for my level of energy in my practice -- greater than often and even in spite of little sleep this weekend.
I feel grateful this evening for the strength of my body, and for its balance.

* * *

This evening in our practice there was a new student--new not just to the class, but to yoga. I noticed throughout the class that my thoughts were often preoccupied with wondering if he was enjoying himself, if he was developing a love for yoga. At times I felt the class too slow, too dull, and felt concerned that this might be a boring pace, that this new student would better desire more strengthening postures. When such thoughts crossed my mind, I at times felt a little dismay, thinking how unfortunate that tonight's class should be such a break from our regular routine, that surely he would like our regular classes. How repetitive it seemed tonight, at times. So many swan dives down. So much energy I expended on this silent concern for another. How often us humans do this? (or is it just me?) Surely consideration for others is good. Yet, where do we draw the line? (this one is definitely a challenge for me). While concern for others is good, I found myself observing at the end of class how much energy I'd wasted in concern. If I wanted this man to enjoy his new yoga practice, perhaps it would have been better for me to send him loving energy, to send him peace, patience and focus. After all these thoughts, I was humbled to overhear him walk up to our instructor, D, after class and tell her that he'd loved it. Om shanti shanti.

"Our hour's reflection is preferable to seventy years of pious worship." -Bahá'u'lláh

Teddy's Thoughts on Education

Another passage from "Teddy" by J.D. Salinger (see previous post):

"What would you do if you could change the educational system?" [Nicholson] asked ambiguously. "Ever think about that at all?"
...
"Well...I'm not too sure what I'd do," Teddy said. " I know I'm pretty sure I wouldn't start with the things schools usually start with." He folded his arms, and reflected briefly. "I think I'd first just assemble all children together and show them how to meditate. I'd try to show them how to find out who they are, not just what their names are and things like that ... I guess, I even before that, I'd get them to empty out everything their parents and everybody ever told them. I mean even if their parents just told them an elephant's big, I'd make them empty that out. An elephant's only big when it's next to something else--a dog or a lady, for example." Teddy thought another moment. "I wouldn't even tell them an elephant has a trunk. I might show them an elephant, if I had one handy, but I'd let them just walk up to the elephant not knowing more about it than the elephant knew about them. The same thing with grass and other things. I wouldn't even tell them grass is green. Colors are only names. I mean if you tell them the grass is green, it makes them start expecting the grass to look a certain way--your way--instead of some other way that may be just as good, and maybe much better...I don't know."

"There's no risk you'd be raising a little generation of ignoramuses?"

"Why? They wouldn't any more be ignoramuses than an elephant is. Or a bird is. Or a tree is," Teddy said. "Just because something is a certain way, instead of just behaves a certain way, doesn't mean it's an ignoramus."

"No?"

"No!" Teddy said. "Besides, if they wanted to learn all that other stuff--names and colors and things--they could do it, if they felt like it, later on when they were older. But I'd want them to begin with the real ways of look at things..."

On Love and Attachment

Last night I stayed up late to read a short story by J.D. Salinger I've been wanting to read, called "Teddy", from his book Nine Stories. It's a fascinating and philosophical, if not also dark, tale. The protagonist is a 10 year old genius boy who has Vendantic insights about the nature of things. There are many gems in his words, such as these:

"You love God, don't you?" Nicholson asked, with a little excess of quietness. "Isn't that your forte, so to speak? ..."

"Yes, sure, I love Him. But I don't love Him sentimentally. He never said anybody had to love Him sentimentally," Teddy said. "If I were God, I certainly wouldn't want people to love me sentimentally. It's too unreliable."

"You love your parents, don't you?"

"Yes, I do--very much," Teddy said, "but you want me to use that word to mean what you want it to mean--I can tell."
...
"I have a very strong affinity for them. They're my parents, I mean, and we're all part of each other's harmony and everything," Teddy said. "I want them to have a nice time while they're alive, because they like having a nice time ... But they don't love me and Booper--that's my sister--that way. ... They love their reasons for loving us almost as much as they love us, and most of the time more. It's not so good, that way."

Connecting

Tonight was bliss.

I always want to connect with people like I did with my dear friend D this evening, where conversation flows with ease and mindfulness. where you feel totally engaged and present in the moment (so much so that you can hardly stand the idea of going to the bathroom for fear that the moment will be broken -- maybe that's not a good thing, but that's how it was tonight). where the connection is genuine and open and affirming yet feels infused with opportunities for growth. where both individuals ebb and flow in the dialogue, both contributing and both taking away. where balance is present. where empathy and courtesy are present. where reason and sensitivity are present. where, when you look at your watch you're shocked at how late it has become.

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Thanks to my colleague, G, who introduced me to this poem by Wendell Berry today.

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front
-by Wendell Berry, from The Country of Marriage

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion - put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Deciding to Be Decisive

All my life I have fallen victim to my "gemini"-ness, specifically, being indecisive. But our virtue this month is decisiveness, and I'm testing out a theory I have that decisiveness is a state of mind. I'll let you know by the end of the month if this hypothesis proves to be true. As we're planning a wedding and as I'm transitioning from one role into another at my organization, there seem to be an endless number of decision points, thus plenty of opportunities to exhibit decisiveness or be challenged by it.

With respect to my work, I've been pondering this question of my next role within the organization for months. At times I've felt despair, at others frustration, and still others (more frequently) hope, constancy, trust. I also feel as though a combination of factors (a question asked at a recent presentation I gave, a conversation I overheard at our company BBQ last Thursday, prayer...) just led to greater clarity over the weekend about what I want (because I am in a unique position of being able to help define what I want). Perhaps part of the lesson of decisiveness is being patient and letting things fester until the right information comes into consciousness to bring about a compelling option and decision. With other things, like deciding on wedding registry items, one must decide to decide, otherwise the number of options becomes overwhelming.

This month I hope to have decisions on at least the following:
- my new job at the NTC
- our wedding photographer
- our wedding caterer (although in reality we already have appointments with caterers in August too)

Wisom from the Mat

Today my yoga teacher said, "Your mind is like a pet; you have to train it."

An interesting thought, though I doubt I would have ever put it quite like that. Yet, how true it is that we have to train our minds. Certainly mindfulness can be learned.

When I reflect back on the 8-9 years now that I've been practicing yoga, I think of how hard it was for me in the first few years of my practice to clear my mind during shavasana. My experience was that by trying too hard I often judged myself for not being "successful" in the task. Now I can clear my mind more readily, and I've learned that it is a function of training, of developing detachment, of not moving to a place of judgment when thoughts come in, but rather watching them come and joy with ease.

Kirtan

This evening I had the good fortune of, upon following intuition into a bookstore near my house (a lovely bookstore called Gateways, which is of a spiritual bent), being told of a concert there later in the evening. I came back at the appropriate hour, not having any idea what I was getting myself into. I then spent the next 1.5 hours participating whole-heartedly in my first Kirtan experience. Kirtan, which apparently is Sanskirt for "to repeat", is a form of call and response singing that involves singing mantras and hymns.

What a wonderful introduction to more Hindi! I think this must be the best way to learn! - to sing in call and response.

The musician who led the evening was a White man named Gishi (www.gishimusic.com). He had an incredible voice. He did a wonderful job of introducing each piece, explaining the meaning of some of the Sanskirt words. There are many things I loved about the evening. Notice that I'm not saying concert. This is because this music was so all inclusive that there was really little distinction between him and the audience. The audience did not applaud, which was a new experience for me, and one that I quite enjoyed. I found that this silence after each song really allowed its weight to sink in and for the energy created by the music to continue to percolate. I had never really before considered that applause can abruptly cut the mystical experience of music. I was also amazed by the power of the silence at the end of each mantra, especially that precious moment when the singing stopped but the instrumentation continued to linger just a bit longer.

Another thing I loved about Gishi is that he used an eccelctic repetoire of styles to bring the mantras to life. As he said, "the mantras are fine by themselves." They will not loose their power. If putting them to a hip hip beat brings them to life for us, why not? Or if it's jazz, or rock, or a simple flute or harmonium... the power lies in the words and in our ability to embrace them and make them our own.

Fortunately, Gishi lives in Santa Cruz now so there should be ample opportunities to see him. There's one, in fact, tomorrow evening at Downtown Yoga Shala in San Jose at 8pm. 450 S First St., www.downtownyogashala.com

Silence and Speech

In this month of silence, I have find myself acutely more aware of moments of silence -- in car rides, on the telephone, in person with someone. I have felt more comfortable with such moments without even making a conscious effort. I simply have observed the silence, made no judgment over it, yet it has felt so natural in most all the occasions I can recall.

Yet, this evening, a thought struck me. I cannot recall the transitions out of the silence. I write this at mid-month through June, the month some of us have dedicated to reflecting on silence, to prompt myself to be more aware this month not only of silence, but of moments of speech, to appreciate when speech comes, how it flows, and what it feels like to move out of silence...

I'd love to hear others' thoughts on this, too. And now I will return to silence. ;)

From the mat to the world

After a mighty fish posh, with back arched, weight on my forearms and the crown of my head touching ever so gently to the floor, I replaced my spine, shoulders, head, arms and hands on the floor, preparing for shavasana, and there was a moment when I suddenly found myself like something out of a Salvador Dalí painting, in perfect stillness and the silence of my breath, where I became the floorIdidn't even melt into it I simply observed no distinction in level between my back and shoulders or the floor i could not tell where the floor began or stopped around me i simply was, it was, we were and discovered perfect unity with this inanimate object, but not just any, with the very base of the things. And if I can find that oneness for a few moments with the floor beams in yoga class, why not take that to the next level? for a few more minutes, as the instructor's voice becomes one with the ligaments of my legs as she calls our awareness to them, or to the student next to me who is the same as me and has a block that also needs to be put away at the end of class, or as I drive home with a beautiful sunset in front of me, a sky lit with pastel purples and pinks and yes, how I love the beauty of this place, or now as i type and my fingers find their own voice as i close my eyes and the typing simply flows from me, flows itself almost as if of its own accord.
How can i extend this to find unity in everything? each precious moment, thing, is it not a part of me, of God? 'tis.

If you can't say anything nice...

"If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."

Now there's a good piece of old-fashioned wisdom that seems relevant for for our virtue of the month: silence. I wonder about the origins of this quote and suspect they were initially tied to something in some Holy Writings, though I can't seem to find the original source.

In the Bahái Faith, similar advice is given to refrain from backbiting (speaking ill of someone behind his/her back).
In The Hidden Words, Bahá'u'lláh writes,
"O Son of Man!
Breate not the sins of others so long as thou art thyself a sinner. Shouldst thou transgress this command, accursed wouldst thou be, and to this I bear witness."

Bahá'u'lláh has called his followers to “regard backbiting as grievous error, and keep … aloof from its dominion, inasmuch as backbiting quencheth the light of the heart, and extinguisheth the life of the soul.”

His son, Abdu'l-Bahá, stressed the spiritual impact of backbiting, saying:

“O beloved of the Lord! If any soul speak ill of an absent one, the only result will clearly be this: he will dampen the zeal of the friends and tend to make them indifferent. For backbiting is divisive, it is the leading cause among the friends of a disposition to withdraw. If any individual should speak ill of one who is absent, it is incumbent on his hearers, in a spiritual and friendly manner, to stop him, and say in effect: would this detraction serve any useful purpose? . . . On the contrary, it would make the dust to settle so thickly on the heart that the ears would hear no more, and the eyes would no longer behold the light of truth.”

Much better is it to praise the qualities of others: “If, however, a person setteth about speaking well of another, opening his lips to praise another, he will touch an answering chord in his hearers and they will be stirred up by the breathings of God.” -Abdu'l-Bahá

But if we can't do that, better to say nothing at all.

Trusting in God

After months of not reading the Hidden Words, I was particularly struck this morning by the power of these words of Bahá'u'lláh:

"O Son of Spirit!
There is no peace for thee save by renouncing thyself and turning unto Me; for it behooveth thee to glory in My name, not in thine own; to put thy trust in Me and not in thyself, since I desire to be loved alone and above all that is."

Even if my heart doesn't yet fully trust, what if this were true? On the long plane flight back from Europe on Monday I thought to myself, what if I try to start by living my life by this pretense and then see if it seems true? But, how does one begin when one still doubts?

And then I found some solace in another Hidden Word:
"O Children of the Divine and Invisible Essence!
Ye shall be hindered from loving Me and souls shall be perturbed as they make mention of Me. For minds cannot grasp Me nor hearts contain Me."

Song of the Spirit

"O my friend, listen to the songs of the spirit and treasure them as thine own eyes." -Bahá'u'lláh

(Thanks to K for posting this quote on Facebook)

On Dreams and the Soul

After rediscovering a quote by Mexican contemporary poet Jaime Sabines (see last post), I began to partially remember something I'd heard or read from the Bahá'í Faith related to dreams but couldn't quite place. Thus, I delved into the writings and discovered these two great explanations from Abdu'l-Bahá, wherein he explores the state of dreaming to deepen our understanding of the state of the immortal soul. They more or less say the same thing, though the second is more elaborate.

1.
"But in the world of dreams the soul sees when the eyes are closed. The man is seemingly dead, lies there as dead; the ears do not hear, yet he hears. The body lies there, but he—that is, the soul—travels, sees, observes. All the instruments of the body are inactive, all the functions seemingly useless. Notwithstanding this, there is an immediate and vivid perception by the soul. Exhilaration is experienced. The soul journeys, perceives, senses. It often happens that a man in a state of wakefulness has not been able to accomplish the solution of a problem, and when he goes to sleep, he will reach that solution in a dream. How often it has happened that he has dreamed, even as the prophets have dreamed, of the future; and events which have thus been foreshadowed have come to pass literally. Therefore, we learn that the immortality of the soul, or spirit, is not contingent or dependent upon the so-called immortality of the body, because the body in the quiescent state, in the time of sleep, may be as dead, unconscious, senseless; but the soul, or spirit, is possessed of perceptions, sensations, motion and discovery. Even inspiration and revelation are obtained by it."

-Abdu'l-Bahá, from a talk given in Washington DC in November 1912, The Promulgation of Universal Peace

2.
"The other manifestation of the powers and actions of the spirit is without instruments and organs. For example, in the state of sleep without eyes it sees, without an ear it hears, without a tongue it speaks, without feet it runs. Briefly, these actions are beyond the means of instruments and organs. How often it happens that it sees a dream in the world of sleep, and its signification becomes apparent two years afterwards in corresponding events. In the same way, how many times it happens that a question which one cannot solve in the world of wakefulness, is solved in the world of dreams. In wakefulness the eye sees only for a short distance, but in dreams he who is in the East sees the West: awake he sees the present, in sleep he sees the future. In wakefulness, by means of rapid transit, at the most he can travel only twenty farsakha an hour; in sleep, in the twinkling of an eye, he traverses the East and West. For the spirit travels in two different ways: without means, which is spiritual traveling; and with means, which is material traveling: as birds which fly, and those which are carried.

In the time of sleep this body is as though dead; it does not see nor hear, it does not feel, it has no consciousness, no perception: that is to say, the powers of man have become inactive, but the spirit lives and subsists. Nay, its penetration is increased, its flight is higher, and its intelligence is greater. To consider that after the death of the body the spirit perishes, is like imagining that a bird in a cage will be destroyed if the cage is broken, though the bird has nothing to fear from the destruction of the cage. Our body is like the cage, and the spirit is like the bird. We see that without the cage this bird flies in the world of sleep; therefore if the cage becomes broken, the bird will continue and exist: its feelings will be even more powerful, its perceptions greater, and its happiness increased. In truth, from hell it reaches a paradise of delights, because for the thankful birds there is no paradise greater than freedom from the cage. That is why with utmost joy and happiness the martyrs hasten to the plain of sacrifice.

In wakefulness the eye of man sees at the utmost as far as one hour of distance..."

-Abdu'l-Bahá, Some Answered Questions

Dreams vs. Seeing

Occure que la realidad es superior a los sueños. En vez de pedir "déjame soñar", se debería decir: "déjame mirar".
Juega a vivir.
-Jaime Sabines

which roughly translates to:
It so happens that reality is superior to dreams. Instead of asking "let me dream," one should say: "let me see".
Play to live.
-Jaime Sabines

I used to have this quote as an email signature. What do folks think of it? It sure would be interesting to know more about the spiritual impact of dreams... ;)

I will follow up with another post soon regarding what's said about dreams in the Baha'i writings.

Rediscovering My Love for a Love Poem

From Pablo Neruda's Cien Sonetos de amor (1oo Love Sonnets)

XVII

No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio I don ’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,
o flecha de claveles que propagan el fuego: or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
te amo como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras, I love you as one loves certain obscure things,
secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma. secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries
dentro de sí, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores, the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,
y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose
el apretado aroma que ascendió de la tierra. from the earth lives dimly in my body.

Te amo sin saber como, ni cuándo, ni de donde, I love you without knowing how, or when, or
from where
te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo: I love you directly without problems or pride:
así te amo porque no sé amar de otra manera, I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,

sino así de este modo en que no soy ni eres, except in this form in which I am not nor are you,
tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mía, so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,
tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueño. so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

[English translation by Mark Eisner 2004, from City Lights' The Essential Neruda]

Different Perspectives on the Meaning of Faith

I discovered an American Public Media episode, "The Meaning of Faith" (on the program Speaking of Faith), which includes 4 guests representing 4 different religious perspectives: Christianity, Judaism, Islam, and Buddhism.

Each guest grapples with the meaning of faith. It's a fantastic way to spend way to spend 52 minutes - I highly urge you to listen when you have the time.

Meanwhile, here are a few snippets to ponder and to entice you:

• Faith is the "courage to step forward into the unknown" and "admit that we don't know", yet to still have an "open-hearted participation in life" [this is my favorite definition]
  
• Faith is "like a journey" and "an unfolding of the heart that's based on our love for ourselves and being able to reach out to others and let others reach out to us, to have a bigger picture of life where there's a sense of belonging and connection instead of feeling so alone and apart." [this is my other favorite]
  
• Doubt and questioning are built into faith.
• The opposite of faith is despair, not doubt.
• When we hold onto our beliefs too tightly, they do not take us on to a place of greater faith.
• Faith is "bigger than belief or not belief."
• Rather, faith is "an abiding trust that the way things are working out is part of something bigger and probably incomprehensible." [this rings most closely to how I've thought of faith over the years]
  
• Faith follows action.
• "Our commonality comes from passionately clinging to our uniqueness and our individuality and our difference."
• "Faith is a verb", "it's really an action word, faith is."
• Faith speaks to "a belief and an interest in matters that are spiritual rather than the institution and creeds that you associate with religion."
• "People of faith and spiritual communities understand that everyone is a child of God"
  

Independent Investigation

A quote from the radio program I mention in my last post, which I love in the light of thinking about independent investigation.

"The Buddha said don't believe anything just because I said it or just because you read it in a sacred text. He said put it into practice and see for yourself if it's true." -Sharon Salzberg

A Tale of How We Should Depend on Each Other

Here's a story from Thich Nhat Hanh's book, Being Peace, to illustrate the principle of what he calls "dependent co-arising."

* * *

Suppose you and I are friends. (In fact, I hope we are friends.) My well-being, my happiness depends very much on you, and your well-being, your happiness, depends upon me. I am responsible for you, and you are responsible for me. Anything I do wrong, you will suffer, and anything you do wrong, I have to suffer. Therefore, in order to take care of you, I have to take care of myself.
There is a story in the Pali Canon about a father and a daughter who performed in the circus. The father would place a very long bamboo stick on his forehead, and his daughter would climb to the top of the stick.... One day the father told the daughter, "My dear daugher, we have to take care of each other. You have to take care of your father, and I have to take care of you, so that we will be safe. Our performance is very dangerous." Because if she fell, both would not be able to earn their living. If she fell, then broke her leg, they wouldn't have anything to eat. "My daughter, we have to take care of each other so we can continue to earn our living."
The daughter was wise. She said, "Father, you should say it this way: 'Each one of us has to take care of himself or herself, so that we can continue to earn our living.' Because during the performance, you take care of yourself, you take care of yourself only. You stay very stable, very altert. That will help me. And if when I climb I take care of myself, I climb very carefully, I do not let anything wrong happen to me. That is the way you should say it, Father. You take good care of yourself, and I take good care of myself. In that way we can continue to earn our living." The Buddha agreed that the daughter was right.

Pondering the Meaning of Faith

Last night, C, T and I were discussing the meaning of "faith". Traditionally, this word is associated with a lack of rationality, with a blind trust. T asked something like, doesn't faith inherently mean trusting in something that can't be proven? Sure, I agree that this is true. But I don't necessarily think that faith should be irrational. So how can we use reason to develop trust in something we ultimately can't understand?

Kahlil Gibran, one of my favorite writers to whom I often turn for guidance in understanding what I cannot, describes faith in the following way:
“Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.”

Suffice it to say, I interpret this to mean that faith is not something we will ever be able to fully understand with our minds, but something that we know with our hearts. Faith involves belief in something that cannot be proven. Yet, how can we understand this quote without giving into the notion that faith is irrational? Just because our brains can't fully comprehend something doesn't mean that we shouldn't use reason to come closer to understanding the truth. Perhaps one interpretation of this quote could be that our brains alone, without the heart to guide us in our path, will certainly never come close to understanding faith.

What do others think?

How to Build Trust in Marriage

I came across this article on a Jewish website on how to built trust in a marriage. Much of what is said is, I would say, universally applicable to all relationships. The author argues that the key to building trust is "building a safe emotional space".
To do so, you must:

• Constantly work on improving your communication skills.
• Take responsibility to express your needs and express them clearly and assertively.
• Be positive and give pleasure.
• Don't allow issues to go unresolved.
• Learn to fight fairly.

And now that I've summarized it for you, I encourage you to read the rest of this short article.

More from Bahá'u'lláh on Trustworthiness

1. "Were a man in this day to adorn himself with the raiment of trustworthiness it were better for him in the sight of God than that he should journey on foot towards the holy court and be blessed with meeting the Adored One and standing before His Seat of Glory. Trustworthiness is as a stronghold to the city of humanity, and as eyes to the human temple. Whosoever remaineth deprived thereof shall, before His Throne, be reckoned as one bereft of vision."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

2. "Be ye God's manifestations of trustworthiness in every land. So perfectly should ye mirror forth this quality that even were ye to travel through cities heaped with gold, your gaze would not for a single moment be seduced by its allure. This is the standard required of you, O assemblage of true believers."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Arabic)

3. "Say: O bearer of My Name! Upon thee be My glory and My loving-kindness. Thou hast ever been adorned with the fair robe of trustworthiness and piety. These twin qualities are as two companions for thee in whom thou mayest find solace. They are as two sentinels who shall stand watch over thee, and two guardians that shall, by God's leave, keep thee from harm."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

4. "The fourth Taraz* concerneth trustworthiness. Verily it is the door of security for all that dwell on earth and a token of glory on the part of the All-Merciful. He who partaketh thereof hath indeed partaken of the treasures of wealth and prosperity. Trustworthiness is the greatest portal leading unto the tranquility and security of the people. In truth the stability of every affair hath depended and doth depend upon it. All the domains of power, of grandeur and of wealth are illumined by its light."

("Tablets of Bahá'u'lláh Revealed after the Kitab-i-Aqdas", p. 37)
* Does anyone know the meaning of the word "Taraz"?

5. "O beloved friends! Whoever adorneth his character with such virtues will be reckoned among the true servants of God, and his name will be commemorated by the Concourse on High; but he who depriveth himself thereof shall not be accounted of their number. Strive diligently to acquire such goodly qualities and traits of character as will be the cause of everlasting salvation. Make not the fruits of the tree of trustworthiness targets for the stones of treachery, nor rend its boughs asunder with the instruments of tyranny and oppression. Truthfulness and sincerity have always been the ornament of a man's character, and so they shall ever be."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

6. "I counsel you, O friends of God, to comport yourselves with the utmost trustworthiness in your dealings with my servants and people. By its aid shall the Cause of God be promoted throughout the world and its exalted sanctity become manifest to all creation. Be ye the repositories of the trust of all men. Thus have We commanded them in the Tablets. Thy Lord is, verily, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Arabic)

Abdu'l-Bahá on Trustworthiness

1. "The primary characteristic of true believers is trustworthiness whereas the primary characteristic of the rebellious is faithlessness."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

2. "If a man were to perform every good work, yet fail in the least scruple to be entirely trustworthy and honest, his good works would become as dry tinder and his failure as a soul-consuming fire. If, on the other hand, he should fall short in all his affairs, yet act with trustworthiness and honesty, all his defects would ultimately be righted, all injuries remedied, and all infirmities healed. Our meaning is that, in the sight of God, trustworthiness is the bedrock of His Faith and the foundation of all virtues and perfections. A man deprived of this quality is destitute of everything. What shall faith and piety avail if trustworthiness be lacking? Of what consequence can they be? What benefit or advantage can they confer? Wherefore 'Abdu'l-Bahá counselleth the friends -- nay, rather, fervently imploreth them -- so vigilantly to guard the sanctity of the Cause of God and preserve their own dignity as individuals that all nations shall come to know and honour them for their trustworthiness and integrity. They can render no greater service than this today. To act otherwise would be to take an axe to the root of the Cause of God -- we take refuge with God from this heinous transgression and pray that He will protect His loved ones from committing so flagrant a wrong."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

On Trustworthiness and Governance

"In discharging the functions of the office to which thou hast been appointed, thy conduct and actions should attest to the highest standard of trustworthiness and honesty, to a degree of sincerity that is altogether above suspicion, and to an integrity that is immune to the promptings of self-interest. Thus shall all know that the Bahá'ís are the embodiments of probity, and the very essence of spotless virtue. If they accept office, their motive is to render service to the whole of humanity, not to seek their own self-interest; and their object is to vindicate the cause of truth, not to give themselves over to self-indulgence and base ingratitude."

-Abdu'l-Bahá (From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

"As for those who are engaged in government service, they should perform their duties with the utmost fidelity, trustworthiness, rectitude, uprightness, integrity and high-mindedness. Let them not tarnish their good repute by pursuing personal interests, nor, for the sake of transient worldly benefits, make themselves objects of public odium and outcasts of the Threshold of Grandeur."

-Abdu'l-Bahá (From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

Faith, a poem

Faith
-by David Whyte, from Where Many Rivers Meet

I want to write about faith,
about the way the moon rises
over cold snow, night after night,

faithful even as it fades from fullness,
slowly becoming that last curving and impossible
sliver of light before the final darkness.

But I have no faith myself
I refuse it even the smallest entry.

Let this then, my small poem,
like a new moon, slender and barely open,
be the first prayer that opens me to faith.

On Trustworthiness & Commerce

1. "We have enjoined upon all to become engaged in some trade or profession, and have accounted such occupation to be an act of worship. Before all else, however, thou shouldst receive, as a sign of God's acceptance, the mantle of trustworthiness from the hands of divine favour; for trustworthiness is the chief means of attracting confirmation and prosperity. We entreat God to make of it a radiant and mercifully showering rain-cloud that shall bring success and blessings to thy affairs. He of a truth is the All-Bountiful, the Gracious."

-Bahá'u'lláh (From a Tablet - translated from the Persian and Arabic)

2. "Commerce is as a heaven, whose sun is trustworthiness and whose moon is truthfulness. The most precious of all things in the estimation of Him Who is the Sovereign Truth is trustworthiness: thus hath it been recorded in the sacred Scroll of God. Entreat ye the one true God to enable all mankind to attain to this most noble and lofty station.

-Bahá'u'lláh (From a Tablet - translated from the Persian and Arabic)

3. "You have written on the question of how the friends should proceed in their business dealings with one another. This is a question of the greatest importance and a matter that deserveth the liveliest concern. In relations of this kind, the friends of God should act with the utmost trustworthiness and integrity. To be remiss in this area would be to turn one's face away from the counsels of the Blessed Beauty and the holy precepts of God. If a man in his own home doth not treat his relations and friends with entire trustworthiness and integrity, his dealings with the outside world -- no matter how much trustworthiness and honesty he may bring to them -- will prove barren and unproductive. First one should order one's own domestic affairs, then attend to one's business with the public. One should certainly not argue that the friends need not be treated with undue care, or that it is unnecessary for them to attach too great importance to the practice of trustworthiness in their dealings with one another, but that it is in their relations with strangers that correct behaviour is essential. Talk like this is sheer fantasy and will lead to detriment and loss. Blessed be the soul that shineth with the light of trustworthiness among the people and becometh a sign of perfection amidst all men."

-Abdu'l-Bahá (From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

4. "Every business company should be established on divine principles. Its foundations should be trustworthiness, piety and truthfulness in order to protect the rights of the people."

-Abdu'l-Bahá (From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

5. "Commerce, agriculture and industry should not, in truth, be a bar to service of the one true God. Indeed, such occupations are most potent instruments and clear proofs for the manifestation of the evidences of one's piety, of one's trustworthiness and of the virtues of the All-Merciful Lord."

-Abdu'l-Bahá (From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

Summoning all mankind to trustworthiness...

"They who dwell within the Tabernacle of God, and are established upon the seats of everlasting glory, will refuse, though they be dying of hunger, to stretch their hands, and seize unlawfully the property of their neighbour, however vile and worthless he may be. The purpose of the one true God in manifesting Himself is to summon all mankind to truthfulness and sincerity, to piety and trustworthiness, to resignation and submissiveness to the will of God, to forbearance and kindliness, to uprightness and wisdom. His object is to array every man with the mantle of a saintly character, and to adorn him with the ornament of holy and goodly deeds...."

-Bahá'u'lláh (Cited in Shoghi Effendi, "The Advent of Divine Justice", p. 24)

On Trust and Self Acceptance

I just read a very interesting piece on the relationship between trust and self acceptance, as well as developing trust with one's spiritual community, sangha. www.berkeleybuddhistpriory.org/_dharma/refuge.htm

I'm wondering, what does it take to really develop the kind of trust needed to make ourselves vulnerable and share with others the parts of ourselves that we most reject? How can we foster such open and nonjudgmental relationships?

The Báb on Trustworthiness

One day the Báb asked that some honey be purchased for Him. The price at which it had been bought seemed to Him exorbitant. He refused it and said: "Honey of a superior quality could no doubt have been purchased at a lower price. I who am your example have been a merchant by profession. It behoves you in all your transactions to follow in My way. You must neither defraud your neighbour nor allow him to defraud you. Such was the way of your Master. The shrewdest and ablest of men were unable to deceive Him, nor did He on His part choose to act ungenerously towards the meanest and most helpless of creatures." He insisted that the attendant who had made that purchase should return and bring back to Him a honey superior in quality and cheaper in price.

(Cited in "The Dawn-Breakers: Nabil's Narrative of the Early Days of the Bahá'í Revelation", trans. and ed. Shoghi Effendi, (Wilmette: Bahá'í Publishing Trust, 1974), p. 303)

Bahá'u'lláh on Trustworthiness

After a weekend at Bosch, both N and I have decided to put more effort into focusing on our virtue of the month. For me, I take this renewed commitment to our VOTM club as an incentive to expand my spiritual growth. In an effort to apply my strengths to the task, I shall set out to do a bit more research each month on the virtue at hand. This month it is trust. This is the first post of several to come on trustworthiness.

Extracts from the utterances of Bahá'u'lláh:

1. "O people! The goodliest vesture in the sight of God in this day is trustworthiness. All bounty and honour shall be the portion of the soul that arrayeth itself with this greatest of adornments."

(From a Tablet - translated from Persian)

---

2. "Regard thou faith as a tree. Its fruits, leaves, boughs and branches are, and have ever been, trustworthiness, truthfulness, uprightness and forbearance."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

---

3. "I beseech Thee, O my God, by all the transcendent glory of Thy Name, to clothe Thy loved ones in the robe of justice and to illumine their beings with the light of trustworthiness. Thou art the One Who hath power to do as He pleaseth and Who holdeth within His grasp the reins of all things, visible and invisible."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Arabic)

4. "It behoveth ye all so to adorn your inner and outer beings that, robed in trustworthiness, girt with righteousness and arrayed in truthfulness and rectitude, ye may become a means for the exaltation of the Cause and the education of the human race."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Persian)

5. "Cleave ye at all times to the cord of trustworthiness and hold fast the hem of the garment of truthfulness: thus biddeth you He Who is the Truthful, the Trusted One. God is my witness, trustworthiness is a light that shineth reflugently from the heavens, and leadeth to the exaltation of the Cause of God, the Omnipotent, the Incomparable, the All-Praised. Whoso hath remained faithful to the Covenant hath been steadfast in his adherence to trustworthiness, whilst those who have repudiated it have erred grievously."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Arabic)

6. "Trustworthiness, wisdom and honesty are, of a truth, God's beauteous adornments for His creatures. These fair garments are a befitting vesture for every temple. Happy are those that comprehend, and well is it with them that acquire such virtues."

(From a Tablet - translated from the Persian and Arabic)

7. "Beseech the Lord that He deprive not His dominions of the effulgent light of the sun of trustworthiness, nor deny them the radiance of the Day-Star of truthfulness or the splendour of the orb of justice and equity. Trustworthiness and piety are even as two luminaries shining resplendent above the horizon of the heaven of the Tablet in which are inscribed the ordinances of God. Well is it with them that have discerned them, and woe betide the heedless!"

(From a Tablet - translated from the Persian and Arabic)

Questions about Patience

A friend's post on the month of patience makes me wonder,
How can we be patient, yet not passive? How can we be patient, yet direct our futures? Is patience simply a matter of being grounded in the present? Is patience non-attachment to the future or the past?