Jasmine

In the summertime here ladies where strings of jasmine flowers in their hair. It's a pretty sight. When worn at the base of the head, I am told by Amma (Nikhil's mom), it produces a cooling effect. This I have yet to confirm, but it sure does smell nice!

Regarding Sari Shops

I received a good question via email yesterday that I thought I'd post here for the benefit of other non-Indians:

Q: Is a "sari shop" a place where you buy material and they sew it together for you... or is it pretty much "good-to-go" at purchase?

A: As far as I can tell, the sari shop is where you buy the long piece of fabric that wraps around your body. This part is ready made. Some saris come with an additional piece of fabric for the top. It seems that sometimes you may have to buy this other piece of fabric separately. Next you take the top material to a different shop (I haven't been to one of these yet) where they take your measurements and make custom stitch a top for you. Apparently tops also come ready made.

These are my conclusions based on my experience at one 5 story sari shop, which apparently bars nothing in size compared to some places... it may be that some sari shops also sell the ready made tops.

Indian ladies, please comment and correct any mistaken conclusions I'm making here.

Table Manners

1. One eats only with the right hand (at least here in the south of India). This much I knew. I am discovering that it is quite difficult for me to break a piece of naan, a roti or chapati with one hand.

2. One must pass dishes to others only with the left hand. This has to do with the first point. With respect to passing, if you err in this regard, people (particularly of an older generation) will consider the dish to now be unclean and will not eat it. Fortunately Appa (Nikhil's dad - the word for dad in Tamil) managed to steer me away from making this mistake yesterday morning when I offered to clear the table at his parents' house. They take their breakfast later and would probably not have eaten it.

3. Similarly to #2, one must dish out food with one's left hand.

Someone was telling me yesterday that when a close family friend moved from Delhi to Chennai, she had to train herself by putting her right hand behind her back.

4. Always take more than one helping. A visitor can never eat enough here and love seems to be expressed through cooking. Prashant gave me good advice before coming in this regard: eat slowly and always have food in your mouth.

Last night Nikhil's grandpa told me that "a way to an Indian man's heart is through his stomach". Never mind that this saying probably applies to many other cultural contexts.

Sensory Overload

Two words so far seem to sum up my experience in India: sensory overload. I had been pre-warned by friends who had been here that this would be the case. I definitely agree with this summation base on my so far limited experience.

Sight: Colors of saris are arresting, like eye candy to me (going into a sari shop makes me as giddy from the sensory perspective as going into a good yarn shop). My eyes are still overwhelmed every time I step onto a street here - the order to the chaos in the streets, the poverty, the trash...

Smell: diesel fumes, body odor, jasmine, strong spices... India seems to have my nose constantly twitching (although one starts to adapt after a couple of days)

Hearing: Chennai and Mumbai both hum at a volume that is much greater than any western country I've been to, but which strikes on the familiar for having lived in Latin America. There's a constant buzz from the streets below that includes dogs barking, people honking (will try to give a more detailed description later), particularly where Nikhil's parents live (being in the heart of Chennai). What strikes me most is the volume at which people speak. They must compete with ceiling fans and air conditioners, which are constantly on. My experience thus far has been that any time you get a number of Indians into a room, their volume escalates. I will write more on this aspect of social interaction later.

Taste: Indian food, as all who have tried it will know, is incredibly spiced. Lots of salt (it would be interesting to study the incidence of heart disease in India in relation to its cuisine), a riot of other flavors. All sweets are far too sweet for my palette. Most vegetables are thoroughly if not overly cooked (probably arising from sanitary concerns initially) from the Californian perspective (which, mind you, thrives on fresh produce). Many dishes are deeply and heavily fried.

Feel I will have to contemplate.

Let the Indian Wedding Shopping Begin!

Monday was the kick off for all the shopping that's to be done in preparation for our upcoming weddings. While Nikhil and I have been consumed in big picture details for months already in the U.S., there are a host of details to be taken care of here in India, most of which involve shopping. Apparently Monday was an auspicious day to buy the gold chain and pendants that will be a significant part of the Hindu wedding ceremony. I was told that this was the first detail to be taken care of. During the wedding ceremony the groom places this necklace around the bride's head (sort of as significant as exchanging rings, except the groom doesn't get a necklace in return). It contains 2 pendants -- one from the bride's family and one from the groom's family, which symbolically represents the coming together of the two families. Isn't that symbolism lovely? Choosing the necklace was no easy matter, particularly not with Nikhil's parents, one set of grandparents, and one aunt all there at the shop to give their input. The vast quantity of chains alone can overwhelm! (cultural aside: Chennai has the fame of being a shopper's paradise -- apparently people here really enjoy shopping, regardless of social stature). It wasn't as simple as picking any chain and pendant you liked (I wanted the absolute smallest possible). No no! I was told that the pendants had to be large enough (at least 4 grams for each pendant) to engrave the symbols of Nikhil's subcaste. Thus, the chain also had to be big and strong enough to withstand the weight of the pendants. The chain also doesn't have a clasp in the back, so you can't use it for other pendants later if you so desired. I felt great relief when this task was done. One of Nikhil's aunts also treated me to some silver anklets, which certainly make walking more fun. :) I was pleasantly surprised to discover later when I opened the box that one gets TWO anklets here, not just one, upon purchase. Nikhil's grandparents were surprised that I was surprised by this. "I suppose they must wear just one earring in the U.S. too" they said.

The next detail was to pick the wedding sari! I had been very much anticipating my first trip to a sari shop. I had no idea what I would be getting into. I was picturing something much smaller -- one room, perhaps, lined with saris. Try multiple floors of saris! The south Indian wedding sari is longer than usual (9 rather than 6 yards). This proved to be a helpful point because there's a smaller subsection of these 9 yard saris, since 6 yards are worn most of the time. Even so, the plethora of bright colors was quite remarkable! I really think that women in India must need be more decisive about buying these clothes, which is hard with so many beautiful colors! With only one standard fit customized to your body, you can't rule out potential options based on how well they fit.

I had been pre-warned by Nikhil that there would be a massive amount of gift buying here. It seems that one virtue I need to learn this month is surrender.

Poverty Levels

Last night at dinner Nikhil's dad revealed to me an interesting comparison of definitions of poverty levels. Apparently the UNDP (United Nations Development Programme) considers the poverty threshold to be $1.25 a day, by which 75% of Indians would be considered to be below the poverty line. The Indian government, in contrast, considers $0.45 to be the threshold, by which only about 30% would be below.

This is a truly fascinating and depressing consideration -- How do we define poverty? How do these different poverty thresholds affect apathy and the extent to which change is sought? What are the indicators? What's considered to be "sufficient" to survive?

By the Indian government standard, people can maybe manage to get some food for $0.45 a day, but are probably sleeping in the streets. I found this way of thinking about poverty appalling.

There are plenty of good books on this subject. For a little more of an overview, read here.

Screens

What is not surprising is that the mosquitoes here seem to find my blood very sweet here.
What is surprising to me is the system of window screens here in Nikhil's parents' home -- these are literally affixed with velcroed around the edges of the windows and thus can be pulled aside when you want to open a window to pop your head out.

First Glances of India

The humidity is one of the first things you notice (how could you not) - my first sense if one of less oxygen and greater difficulty breathing, and at the same time the softness of the hot damp air that feels like a constant hug.
People driving on the left side of the road makes an obvious first impression.
I am also struck by...
People ignoring traffic lights and somehow spontaneously inventing a complex dance to weave around one another without crashing in intersections
Men sleeping in the backs of big trucks (this makes me sad)
Lights and more lights (many strung in the colors of India's flag) dazzling the streets of even Mumbai's slums in honor of Ganesh Chaturthi (noticeable even from the plane)
Loud drumming all through the night to celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi - there are clearly different norms about noise pollution here. These helped keep us awake during our midnight stop over.
Stray dogs, everywhere... but they don't really strike me as ferocious, but rather seem meek and weak (I haven't really walked amongst them yet, so my opinion on this matter may change).
Lots of young men, walking in the street, alone or in small groups. Presumably women stay indoors at this hour.
Very very pungent smells, particularly body odors (which I noticed as soon as we stepped on the Jet Airways flight from Hong Kong to Mumbai). I think my olfactory senses will be frequently arrested in this country.
Cows on the sides of the street! (I can't wait to see elephants!!!)
The surprise of fast and hard monsoon rains, coming down in sheets one minute and clearing the next (apparently we brought good luck both to Mumabi and Chennai). These were perfect because we got to enjoy them from inside and then they ceased by the time we needed to go out into the street again.
The auto rickshaws are another obvious cultural relic. Riding in one provides a whole different perspective of the world with the low ceilings, the open sides and pleasant breeze at 5am, the feel of every vibration of the roads.
Auto rickshaw drivers who drive with no shoes... (this has made a strong impression on me)
Of course, the clothes are different, but I won't get into that now
Signs in the pretty swirls and straight line tops of Hindi and Tamil also attest to being in a new country. I look forward to discovering amusing, poorly constructed English signs as well.

Much of this feels familiar to Latin America...
Walls on the sides of the streets painted with advertisements
Banners of politicians who are trying to appear like your best friend paced at an interval frequency that seems nothing short of excessive
Trash in the streets
The way people weave in their cars in and out of seemingly non-existent lanes
The honking, oh the constant honking
Lost of scooters, especially in Chennai, constantly dashing in and out and cutting you off
The ridiculously loud fire crackers for this festival (though many of them sound more like bombs here!)
The stray dogs
The noise level of the cities - certainly much livelier than American cities
The bright colors of clothing and well bejeweled women - like eye candy (though I believe Latin American women wear more make up)
Simple stuccoed outsides of buildings (often run down) and beauty that is saved for the inside of the home
The smell of diesel fumes on the streets

Chennai is a city of lots of trees - this surprises me. I am also surprised that the air here seems remarkably free of the hazy smog layer I expected to see in most Indian cities.
I am overjoyed to see the flame of the forest trees that I so cherished in southern Mexico (images of the Mayan Palenque ruins in Chiapas come streaming back).

Nikhil's parents' home is very pleasant. I especially love the tropical trees and plants in the yard -- the banana, mango, papaya, coconut... Appa (Nikhil's dad) pointed out a chameleon to me that did indeed adapt its color to the bark of the tree; he has also pointed out lizards and dancing bees - if it weren't so hot out, I could sit on the porch and observe these critters for hours. The sight of them makes time slow down.

Must stop, the maid has come to sweep. More soon. :)

Lesson on Acceptance

Last night I realized that taking the time to get to know someone and connect with them in a heartfelt way in a different context can invite greater acceptance. Opening one's own heart to the possibility of something being different opens the door to acceptance.

How appropriate that I should remember even later that acceptance is our virtue of the month. ;)

On Hope

Tonight friends will be gathering at my home to talk about hope. In preparation for that meeting, I'm sharing a few quotes on the topic here:

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." -Psalms 31:24

"Everything that is done in the world is done by hope." -Martin Luther

"Sorrow not if, in these days and on this earthly plane, things contrary to your wishes have been ordained and manifested by God, for days of blissful joy, of heavenly delight, are assuredly in store for you. Worlds, holy andn spiritually glorious, will be unveiled to your eyes. You are destined by Him, in this world and hereafter, to partake of their benefits, to share in their joys, and to obtain a portion of thei rsustaining grace. To each and every one of them you will, no doubt, attain." -Bahá'u'lláh, Gleanings from the Writings of Bahá'u'lláh